


You're Not Alone

by tinyheartless



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Keith has a panic attack, Keith has depression, Lance is a good boyfriend, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Trans Keith (Voltron), i guess?, keith is also on his period, this whole thing is really depressing so i would exercise caution if you decide to read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 18:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12636405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyheartless/pseuds/tinyheartless
Summary: Keith has a really bad mental health day and Lance helps him at the end of it.





	You're Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything in forever bc of writer's block and having bad mental health ayyy  
> this is really self indulgent i'm sorryy

      Everything should have been fine. 

      Keith had just gone through a regular day. He woke up from a restful sleep, went to his classes, hung out with his friends, and even got to see his boyfriend before he went to work. Nothing weird or stressful happened, so everything should have been fine, right? 

      Not exactly.

      Sure he was surrounded by people that supported, appreciated, and even loved him, but he didn’t feel happy. In fact, he hardly ever experienced the feeling of happiness. It’s not that anything was really wrong with his life, it was just the depression. 

      It’s a constant thing; It never really goes away. Keith had been able to contain it for a bit of time, because, obviously, some days are worse than others. Today, however, was one of the worse days. 

      He knew once he woke up that it was going to be one of those days. He just had that “off” feeling.

      It didn’t help that he realized he started his period sometime during the night. That really helped him get out of bed, which normally would have been a difficult task for him to do.

      He really didn’t feel like going to class, but finals were coming up and he didn’t have much of a choice but to go. So, he put on a baggy hoodie, grabbed his backpack, and told himself to grin and bear it, as usual. 

      Hanging out with friends should be helpful when he’s in a more intense period of his depression, but it was still difficult today. He wished that every time he smiled, it felt more natural, rather than forced. He also wished he could have participated more in the conversation, but it felt easier to pretend he wasn’t there sometimes.

      They all went out to eat at a diner. Everyone was talking, talking, talking with that voice filled with emotion. It sounded higher and lighter. Keith’s voice sounded dull and monotone, which was quite the reflection of his numb mind. It felt almost wrong to interrupt the consistent flow in the conversation. He did at least answer people when they talked to him, but he mostly answered with only a few words. 

      The fact that he has depression is no secret. They all could probably tell it was one of Keith’s worse days. There’s usually a dramatic shift in body language, so they notice when he hangs his head down and his bangs slightly cover more of his face. He also seems to tuck his body into himself, crossing his ankles, folding his arms, or tucking his hands between his knees.

      On his easier days, he seems more open when he sits. He usually has his arms out, and maybe one is behind Lance on the seat. His legs aren’t so close and would take up more space under the table. He would look at people in the eye more often and move or flip his bangs out of his face. 

      As for talking, there wasn’t a drastic change, usually, but he would say more than just a couple words for answers. Depending on the topic and the day, he may or may not talk more, so the fact that he just seemed more reserved is what made Lance notice so much.

      He would try to put his hand on Keith’s or on his leg, silently asking if it’s okay to touch him as to not draw too much attention to him. If he pulled away, Lance wouldn’t touch him and he’d just wait to talk to him later, but if he’d let it happen, Lance would scoot closer to him and press his side up against Keith or hold his hand. 

      Lance knew there wasn’t much he could say to Keith that could make him feel better, except for maybe an “I love you” or “I’m here if you need me”, but he did like it when Lance physically comforted him. It couldn’t cure his depression or always turn a bad day into an easier one, but it did at least lift the feeling of dread, knowing that someone was there for him and could remind him that it’ll get better, or easier.

      Now alone, back at his dorm, Keith was kind of hoping Lance would come by and possibly stay the night, since Shiro was staying at Allura’s tonight.

      Some of the others usually visited or would try to help him. Shiro would probably text him something positive, Hunk might bake him something, and Pidge might come over for an hour to talk about a new documentary she had watched just to get his mind off of things. They did. But he hardly saw Lance anymore. They had classes at different times, and Lance would go to work at the coffee shop. Keith wouldn’t always visit him, because his mental illness would get in the way, making him not want to leave his dorm. He really missed Lance, though, and missing people is a negative thing, which adds on to the already negative depression.

      He’s tried taking antidepressants, but they just made him feel worse. Keith is usually good about fighting it, although, today is an exception. He gets ready for bed earlier than usual, just wanting the day to be over already. He lies in the dark, facing the wall, trying to curl up into himself. 

      After a few minutes, he feels a crying spell coming on. 

      Hot tears fall down the side of his face. He closes his eyes and presses the heels of his palms into them. It does nothing to stop the flow of tears. Keith starts to hiccup and sob, trying to gasp for breath. He shoves his face into his pillow, letting the cover soak up the falling tears. 

      These crying spells don’t necessarily need a reason to start. He doesn’t have to overthink past events, contemplate his seemingly horrible qualities, or drown his mind in suicidal thoughts. For Keith, they only really need a numb mind and emotional exhaustion, in order to start.

      Once the tears start flowing, he usually does think about everything he doesn’t like about himself, everything he thinks he’s done wrong recently, wondering if anyone actually cares about him, and thinking that even if he gets out of this shitty school routine he still may never feel happy or satisfied. With his period having started earlier in the day, the dysphoria he’s been experiencing has been amplified, which just adds onto the growing list of negativity rolling around in his mind. It all just pours out at once.

      It’s hard just to _be_  sometimes when you hate how you look and how you do everything.

     Half an hour passes, and Keith is only feeling more overwhelmed. It’s probably a combination of how he normally feels during a severe depressive episode and the hormones that come with having periods. He starts to panic when it feels like it’s hard to breath and he gets a striking pain in his abdomen. The dark room feels like it’s closing in on him, and when he closes his eyes, it just makes him feel worse. He sits up quickly, still crying and now shaking, trying to turn on the light.

     He stays there like that for a couple minutes, struggling to breathe correctly when he hears a key unlocking the door. Lance appears a second later, with a coffee and a bag in one hand. Once he notices Keith, he drops his stuff as quickly as he can without spilling the coffee onto the desk and goes to Keith’s side. 

      “Keith?” He pulls him into his arms and rubs circles into his back. “It’s okay, just take deep breaths.”

      Lance breathes with him to make sure Keith inhales and exhales for the right amount of seconds to calm him down. By the time Keith has stopped crying, he’s pretty much in his lap, Lance swaying him back and forth in his arms.

      “Better?” Lance asks, softly.  

      Keith hums. 

      “I brought you coffee and cookies. They were made earlier today.”

      “...can we just stay like this for now?” Keith whispers. 

      “Okay.” He shifts to lie down, so Keith can lie in his arms. He tucks his head into the crook of Lance’s neck.

      “If you don’t eat those cookies tomorrow, I’m stealing them back.”

      Keith smiles against Lance’s neck, and Lance smiles when he feels it. 

      It feels easier when you’re not alone anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> if y'all are depressed or having a bad day and want someone to talk to then hmu on twitter/tumblr @tinyheartless  
> we can bond over wanting to die and hopefully make each other feel better in the process


End file.
